I'm not here anymore

I'm scared..I'm really scared...how if one day..I have to go with unfinished business ni.. how ah.. it's very hard for me to pretend that I'm ok and I'm strong which is I'm not.. Rasa mcm mo nangis ja terus.. But will that make me healthier.. How if this sickness that I have is not just a normal sickness.. God give me strength and please keep me away from a sickness which is I cant bear.. I really don't know how long can I hold on.. But I'm thankful to have my family and friends who always be there for me.. who at least make me forget about the pain that I had inside..who at least give me the strength when I was weak.. God..Thank You for all the blessings that You gave me..

Days by days past by.. The lump inside my neck grows bigger and bigger.. I felt that it's very hard for me to breath.. the pain make me feels like I want to take a knife and just stab inside my neck ni..sot betul o0 kan.. Later when I go home.. I'll try to take some pain killer..who knows that will slow down the pain that I'm having now.. Actually.. I keep on telling myself that I'm goin to be ok.. I am.. I am.. I know that I am.. I'll update soon after I consult with my specialist what is the update of my lumps.. ;) na.. I think I'm goin to be fine.. Gwen you are one of the strongest gurl on earth.. Really? Yes you are.. ;) Yes I know I am.. and I know I will always be.. Here's one of the poem that I saw in Anitha Murthy's blog that I want to share with all of you:

I'm not here anymore

A curious feeling, an absolute lethargy has crept over me... Don’t knock on the door, don’t ring the bell Don’t wait for my voice, that you know so well. For I’m taking a trip to an unknown place It’s the first time I’ve been, here in inner space. Just cannot explain this feeling I feel I wish I knew what was the real deal. I’m doing the things I’ve always done I know all will be fine in the long run. It’s not that I’m sad, or even depressed It’s not that I’m acting like one possessed. It’s not that I’m mad, or even confused And no, this is not keeping me amused. Floating like a cloud riding on the wind I’m feeling completely spaced out within. Just watching Life go meandering by I wanna lie down and just look at the sky. I don’t want to speak, I don’t want to write I don’t want to smile, I don’t want to fight I don’t want to eat , I don’t want to breathe I just wanna let go, I just wanna be No strings attached, no duty calls Breaking down all my weary walls Just flying out to the deep blue sea Spirit's footloose, and fancy free. So if you ring the bell, or knock on the door Don’t wonder, coz I’m not here anymore. I hope I’ll touch down on terra firma real soon Till then, think of me when you look at the moon. Floating like a cloud riding on the wind I’m feeling completely spaced out within. Just watching Life go meandering by I wanna lie down and just look at the sky.